


The Devils and their Lettuce

by moonlitmantras



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Beyond the Walls, Canon Non-Binary Character, Canon Universe, Devils, Erwin laughing, Fluff, Hange laughing, Happy Ending, Humor, I just wanted to write them laughing, I suck at tagging, Jokes, Multi, Relax - Freeform, Shit Jokes, Stoned Levi, The trio finds weed, They deserve a break, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Weed, devil lettuce, dumb, i ship these three together, i spell it hanji, if there's holes in the plot ignore it, levi laughing, nobody gets hurt, ship trio, stoned Erwin, stoned Hange, the adults are having fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:15:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28300734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonlitmantras/pseuds/moonlitmantras
Summary: Hanji, Erwin and Levi go outside the walls for a short trip, but of course Hanji has to stumble upon a new discovery that changes the course of the evening.
Relationships: Erwin Smith/Hange Zoë, Levi/Erwin Smith, Levi/Erwin Smith/Hange Zoë, Levi/Hange Zoë
Comments: 12
Kudos: 73





	The Devils and their Lettuce

**Author's Note:**

> Listen, with season 4 coming out I just want something fluffy to ease the pain. I miss Erwin, GAWD I MISS HIS STUPID PRETTY FACE and his TIDDIES. So this was birthed out of my own desire to be comforted and to fill the void in my chest that can only be filled by Levi and Erwin being together. T~T
> 
> Wouldn't weed be like...an amazing addition to the AOT universe? Imagine the chill. IMAGINE the possibilities for medicine. HIGH LEVI. HIGH ERWIN. HIGH LEVI AND HIGH ERWIN FLIRTINGGGGGG.
> 
> Ah, to wishfully think.  
> Anyway, enjoy. I hope we all at least get a good laugh out of this.

The plan to take back Wall Maria is still in it’s infant stages as the Commander, Section Commander and Captain of the Scouts make their way outside the walls. They’re not going far nor are they doing anything spectacular on the other side of Nedlay. The main goal is to find some extra food for their upcoming expedition, maybe some other materials that have been abandoned and most of all, they just want a moment where no one expects anything from them.

The trio has done this since their younger years, going outside of the walls on their own and in secret. They don’t go far, no more than 5 kilometers usually, but they indulge in the space away from Humanity. It’s a complex situation. They fight for survival all the while putting themselves directly in the territory of their enemy without an army and without a desire to fight.

Most call them mad while others call them mentally ill. Truth be told, they’re probably both, but that’s the exact thing that has allowed them to continue on the pursuit to find the truth. Why do they enjoy putting themselves outside of the walls?

For Erwin, there’s something about immersing oneself into fear that allows you to think in different ways. If he’s on edge or if he’s wondering what’s around the corner, the survival instinct inside of him allows a pathway to think of something that’s never been done before. Inside the walls, it feels almost suffocating. For Levi, he feels like a babysitter but the truth is he actually enjoys being outside of the walls. Considering he spent a large chunk of his life in the Underground, going outside the walls was the next extreme and it gave him a false sense of what Freedom could taste like. Even if they are victims to titans at every corner. As for Hanji, their burning flame of curiosity is what drives them to do anything that is completely insane. They almost hope for something hell freezing to occur.

Of course, the trio has to keep this expedition quiet considering if anyone found out surely there would be an uproar. Complaints of wasted materials, for example, so the trio can only tell a select few. Of course there’s minor resistance but who’s really able to stop these three?

All the while, everyone else just thinks these three are locked away working their brains to the bone to solve the blank puzzle referred to as Saving Humanity.

“We need to make a fire.” Levi grumbles while dismounting his horse, giving the stead a stroke on his neck.

Hanji paces as they tie up their horse, murmuring to themselves like there’s an entire committee residing in their heads. Levi chalks it up to the adrenaline rush they just had from fighting an abnormal titan that popped out of thin air. It appeared to be the only one around and it wasn’t hard to defeat, still there’s something unnerving and exciting about a sudden threat. 

Erwin sits on a log in silence as he examines his plans for the millionth time with ferocious intent in his eyes. This is the reason he leaves the walls, for moments like these, where his blood is pumping and his mind is working to keep itself alive. These are the things that have allowed him to come this far.

“Okay guess I’ll go fuck myself.” Levi snaps, finally earning the attention of his comrades. His ODM gear clinks together as he shifts his weight to one foot with crossed arms.

“You know that sounds more like a treat than a punishment in my book.” Hanji toys as they gather up sticks quickly.

Levi’s eye twitches and it takes everything in him to not launch a blade at them.

Erwin stifles a laugh as he gives an apologetic smile to Levi, “sorry Levi. I just-”

“I know. Too busy saving humanity to worry about asinine things.” Levi interrupts, his tone is playful but you have to squint to notice it. Thankfully, the three know each other like they know the back of their own hands.

“No, it’s unacceptable for me to expect everyone else to do the dirty work all the time.” Erwin states, rolling up his plans to tuck them away while coming to his feet. His beaming blue eyes settle on Levi and the Captain wanders if that is what the ocean that Armin talks about looks like.

Levi rolls his eyes as Erwin begins to collect sticks with Hanji. Levi didn’t intend to sound like a nagging parent, but he keeps quiet knowing that Erwin has made up his mind and there’s really nothing he can do about that.

Together they collect firewood as the sun sets and the stars begin to pop out in a scattered pattern. The moon is full with clear skies and Levi is extremely grateful for it. Since it’s just the three of them, they’ll take any advantage they can get.

“Brace yourselves boys I think I have discovered something spectacular!” Hanji exclaims while nearly galloping back to their campsite.

Erwin brushes the dirt off of his hands after he drops a pile of wood, Levi follows in the same manner. They watch as Hanji struggles with the vibrant green shrub, trying to not drop it along with the wooden sticks they’re carrying.

“What the hell-”

“Aht! Aht! Shut your mouth! Don’t ruin it, it’s too soon!” Hanji quickly quiets Levi, to which he lets out an exasperated sigh.

Erwin stifles his laugh, “whatever that is, it’s very odd looking.”

Levi fights the urge to roll his eyes knowing that any sort of resistance or curiosity is just going to send Hanji down the rabbit hole.

“Right?! Like what is this? I’ve never seen anything like it!” Hanji asks while holding up a piece of the plant that looks like a discombobulated flower. “It’s like all of the leaves are bunched together right here.” Hanji points at the mysterious clump of leaves, “but some of it is purple and look!” Hanji points to various parts of the specimen, “it looks sticky doesn’t it?”

Levi watches with a disgusted face, “it looks like an animal ate a plant then took a shit.”

Hanji rolls their eyes while letting out a frustrated grunt, “enough with the shitty comparisons!”

Erwin is seriously observing the curious plant, “we should be careful, it could be poisonous.”

Levi shakes his head to himself as he brings life to their campfire. He wonders how long he’s going to have to put up with Hanji’s rambling about this plant.

“Smell it though!” Hanji exclaims while shoving the plant against Erwin’s nostrils. To which he flinches away quickly.

“Hanji-”

“I’m like 95% positive it’s not poisonous!” 

Erwin rubs his nose with the back of his hand, “Hanji, you just found it, I don’t think you can claim it’s not poisonous yet and I’m not entirely sure if I want to risk that 5%...,” he trails off, sniffing a few times, “however, it does smell good...”

“Don’t be such a party pooper!” Hanji leaps towards Levi, holding the plant out, “smell it!”

Levi flinches away from it as he aids the fire, “over my dead body.”

Hanji stomps their foot, edging the plant closer, “c’monnnn! Just a little whiff!” Hanji whines while trying to make their eyes bigger in an attempt to beg.

Levi looks at Erwin who appears to still be trying to remove the sticky residue off of his nose then back at Hanji, “okay, fine.”

Hanji is nearly vibrating at this point as Levi takes a step towards them, he begins to lean in and just before he inhales he snatches the plant out of Hanji’s hands. Before they could protest he launched it in the fire.

“Nooooo!” Hanji cries out, dropping to their knees with their arms extended into the air at their misfortune, “noooo! No! No! Why would you do that?! You evil, pocket sized man!”

Erwin takes a seat at the opposite end of the fire as he tries to look apologetic for Hanji but Levi can tell that he’s trying not to laugh. Levi notes that Erwin is still wiping at his nose and is grateful that he didn’t give in to Hanji’s pleas.

“First off, fuck you. Second, I would like to reduce our chances of dying, not increase it.” Levi states while taking a seat at the fire, Erwin to his right and a groveling Hanji to his left.

Hanji is distraught at the assault, “my precious flower! I never even got to name it!”

Levi rolls his eyes, “you can call it sticky firewood.”

Erwin gives an unimpressed look to Levi, to which the Captain shrugs.

“You owe me for that!” Hanji snaps at Levi.

“Actually, you should consider this as a payment for the debt you’re in with me.” Levi retorks, reminiscing on all the times he had to capture a titan for Hanji.

Hanji puffs their cheeks while sitting back on their butt, their legs criss cross and their arms follow. They know that they can’t win because Levi does have a point.

The three sit in silence as the fire burns, the night falls around them. Their horses make soft ruffling sounds as they graze. The saddle on the animal's backs clink as they move. It’s a silent night, no titans to be found and no animals either. You could say it’s actually relaxing but in reality, this trio doesn’t know the meaning of relaxing.

It happens slowly and all at once at the same time, the smoke that emits from the campfire changes. Levi is the first to notice, Erwin follows and if Hanji wasn’t so busy being dramatic they would’ve noticed too. The smoke has become thick and white, which is unusual considering smoke is only white when a fire has been put out. Then the color follows, it has taken on a greenish color. It’s nothing crazy but it’s noticeable. Then follows the smell.

Erwin’s thick eyebrows pinch together as the smell invades their nostrils, “this smells like the plant.” He states, earning the attention of the other two.

Hanji perks up and sniffs the air aggressively, “oh my god! It does! It’s not as sweet this time, but that’s definitely it!”

Levi watches the fire as the core of it sparks pastel shades of green.

They watch with intensity, as if something is going to explode or maybe some hidden message will appear, but nothing remarkable happens.

Well, nothing they notice right away.

A few moments have passed, they sit in silence as they watch the fire glow and churn in a normal fashion. This happens often, the three sit in their thoughts, allowing their minds to swirl with endless scenarios as they try to solve one problem after another. The weight of responsibilities sits heavy on their shoulders and they can’t ignore it. This is the only time that they can sit comfortably with one another without having to explain themselves every 5 minutes. 

The fire cracks and adjusts as the wood-plant mixture is continuously consumed.

Only until Hanji interrupts the heavy silence with a giggle that erupts into a laugh. Earning the attention from Levi and Erwin.

“I-pfft-! Hahah!” Hanji hollers while slapping their knee, “Levi! Why do you-! Pfftthah! Why do you look like that?!” Hanji topples over as they point at Levi.

Erwin’s eyes follow Hanji’s point, finding the shorter of the three giving a confused look.

“What’s your problem?” Levi hisses, unable to recognize how heavy his eyes have become. Levi notices out of the corner of his eye that Erwin has clasped his hand over his mouth, Levi finds the crinkle of his cheeks giving away the smile that hides behind his palm.

“Oi, oi, what the fuck?” Levi snaps at Erwin, “don’t encourage them.”

Hanji continues to laugh hysterically while Erwin aggressively attempts to keep himself under control.

Levi becomes increasingly annoyed but for some reason the muscles in his mouth begin to betray him. He feels the laugh that threatens his throat but he doesn’t understand why. Nothing’s funny and Levi isn’t one to just outright laugh at anything. So why is he laughing?

“Yeeeheehee! I can’t-!” Hanji squeals as they kick their legs with vigor, “I don’t know why! Your face! Hah-! It looks funnier than usual!”

Erwin lets out a loud laugh that he can’t possibly cover up, “Hanji-” He attempts to speak but is overwhelmed by the fit of giggles.

“Wha-what the hell-” Levi tries to ask, but he is a victim to laughter as well.

Soon enough they’re all laughing with little to no control.

“You-you just ack-!” Hanji tries to speak through the laughter, “you just looked like you were really, really deep in thought and I-” Hanji tries to finish the thought but fails miserably while gasping for air.

Erwin bites at his cheek to gain control, “I have to agree but it really wasn’t that funny.” He seriously tries to not let the giggles pass his lips but they escape and he is utterly powerless.

Levi can’t help but mirror them, “then why the hell are you laughing, Erwin?”

“I’m being 100% honest when I say I have no idea.” Erwin says while holding it back, creating a whistling sound that releases through his nostrils. To which Levi completely loses it.

Which causes Hanji to lose it even more.

Erwin follows right after.

They have no idea what’s gotten into them. This behavior is rather unusual for the three, very rarely do they ever laugh like this. It’s not like they have time to and there’s really nothing to laugh about considering their circumstances. No one has told a joke, no one has played a prank and no one has solved the mystery to gaining freedom for humanity. So why the overwhelming fit of laughter?

Hanji finally gains a sliver of control over themselves, sitting up and clutching their stomach, “okay, I’m fine. I’m totally fine-hyugh!” Hanji clasps their hands over their mouth as they find their comrades doing the same. It’s weird seeing Erwin and Levi laughing. Hanji thinks they might be having some weird fever dream.

Erwin halts his laughter out of nowhere and begins to make a smacking noise with his mouth like he’s trying to taste something. Levi watches him in disgust and confusion while trying to hold back his laughter. Hanji is really struggling to keep it together, their stomach is starting to ache.

“Mah mouf,” Erwin says like he’s trying to speak without using his tongue, “suh dry?”

“What in fresh hell?” Levi says with a look of bewilderment. He doesn’t understand the image before him and he tries not to laugh because it’s actually concerning. However there’s another force that’s in the driver’s seat causing him to have scattered chuckles.

Hanji begins wheezing again, “what was that?! What the hell-AHAHAHA!”

Erwin wants to laugh but he’s committed to finding the source of the problem and for some reason he thinks sticking his tongue out attempting to examine it is what’s going to do the trick.

Levi’s brain is really trying to compute what he’s seeing, is this that same Erwin? Erwin Smith? The Erwin Smith? The Commander of the scouts? Big boss man with the pretty eyes and thick thighs? That Erwin? It’s hard to believe considering he looks like an absolute fool trying to look at his own tongue with crossed eyes.

Levi drags his hand down his face, “it feels like God himself is pissing on us with a smile on his face.”

Erwin finally retracts his tongue, his brows furrowed at the mystery of his mouth, “does your mouth not feel dry? Mine feels like I’ve lost all of my saliva.”

Levi’s face contorts in disgust, “you know, as much as I’m enjoying this conversation about saliva, I would rather-” Levi stops mid sentence as he feels his mouth becoming dryer with every word. He clasps his hand over his mouth and looks at Erwin with wide eyes.

At first, Erwin thinks there’s something behind him so he whips around to see if there’s something there. To which Levi and Hanji laugh because he looks genuinely scared. It’s an odd sight to see and in any normal circumstance they would be afraid too but they can’t bring themselves to feel fear.

“Ah!” Hanji yells while jabbing their finger at their own face, earning a jump from both men, “my mouth! It’s dry too!”

Erwin’s eyes watch Hanji closely as they attempt to do the same thing. Hanji sticks their own tongue out trying to look at it, Levi visibly shakes his head.

“It’s unpleasant isn’t it?” Erwin asks.

“Incwedibwy.” Hanji replies with their tongue out.

Levi rests his elbows on his thighs while placing his hands on his temples. He tries to solve this puzzle but every thought has become fuzzy and he can’t quite grasp anything concretely. It’s like he’s having a million thoughts but he can’t actually decipher what they are.

“Levi?” Erwin interrupts Levi’s attempt to have a train of thought.

Levi looks up, his eyes meet Erwins, “what now?”

Erwin laughs through his nose again, “are you crying?”

Hanji crawls on all fours so they’re in the same spot as Erwin, they tilt their head to examine the Captain, “why you sad? No cry. Don’t cry. No crying allowed at the campfire. That’s the rules.”

Levi lifts one eyebrow, his expression nothing but confused, “what the hell are you talking about? I’m not crying.”

“Then why are your eyes so red?” Erwin asks, tilting his head to match Hanji.

Levi blinks a few times and realizes that, like his mouth, his eyes are dry too. He’s become hyper aware of his eyes blinking now and can’t seem to stop as he looks at his comrades, who are beginning to laugh at him. They aren’t even trying to hide it at this point.

“Don’t hurt yourself.” Hanji suggests through stifled giggles.

Levi squints at both of them, “your eyes are red too.”

Hanji and Erwin look at each other, Hanji’s mouth drops open as they point at Erwin. Erwin’s eyebrows raise at the sight of Hanji.

“Holy shit!” Hanji exclaims while staring at Erwin, “what does thith mean?!”

Erwin, once again, laughs through his nose.

“Thith?” Levi teases while biting his bottom lip so he doesn’t become victim to the laughter again.

Hanji looks at both of them confused, it doesn’t take long for them to realize what they were laughing at, “okay, okay. Hah, hah, my mouth is dry so it’s not working correctly!”

“Yeah sure-”

“Oh my god!” Hanji interrupts Levi, “I have the hunger!” Hanji crawls to their horse, pulling out a loaf of bread from their pack.

“Don’t eat all of it, that has to last us until we go back tomorrow.” Erwin suggests but Hanji has already consumed half of it.

“Thso hungwy!” Hanji exclaims with a mouth full of bread.

Levi scrunches his nose at the sight of the chewed up bread. 

“Do you ever wonder if Titans put things up their ass?”

Levi nearly breaks his neck as he whips his head to look at Erwin. He’s extremely taken back by the question and by the fact that Erwin actually looks serious.

“Excuse me-”

“Or at least, do you think they try to?”

“Erwin-”

“We all know humans do-”

“That’s enough-”

“Maybe not since it’s not like they have an opening.”

“Erwin I beg you-”

“You’re right they aren’t that intelligent. I’m not exactly sure why I said that out loud.”

Levi shakes his head, the image of Erwin in his mind has completely changed.

“Unless-”

“Erwin!”

“Oh no!” Hanji whines. For once, Levi is relieved that Hanji interrupts them. “I ate all of my bread! It was here then poof! Gone!” Hanji flops onto their back, throwing a little tantrum at their own mistake.

Levi sighs, “we told you not-”

“But I am so hungry! Like, I’ve never been this hungry before!” Hanji whines while kicking their feet.

“Yeah well now you’ll have to be hungry until tomorrow.” Levi states with an agitated tone.

“Maybe we can catch a bird.”

Levi glares at Erwin, “yeah okay, let’s go catch a fucking bird while it’s dark. Brilliant plan, oh wise one.”

“You never know.”

“In fact, we do know.” Levi watches as Erwin’s eyes become half lidded, “what is wrong with you? I know for a fact you have better judgement than this.”

Hanji has made their way back to the campfire by dragging their body with their hands, “starving. So hungry. Levi your leg, it’s actually-”

“Don’t you even start.” Levi hisses while clutching his legs close to his chest, “what is with you two?”

“What do you think would happen if we tried to consume Titan flesh?” Erwin ponders out loud with his chin resting between his index finger and thumb.

Levi gawks at him in disbelief.

Drool drips from Hanji’s mouth, “meat? Meat! Meat sounds lovely! Let’s try it!” Hanji attempts to stand up but fails miserably, they crash right on their ass with a loud thud. 

“Yeah you look like you’re in great condition to go and try to capture a titan.” Levi sarcastically notes, his attention turns to Erwin snapping his fingers in front of his face to gain the blonde’s attention, “oi, leader. Commander with the big brains, yeah could you not encourage idiocracy please?”

Erwin stands up abruptly, to which Levi clutches his legs in closer to his chest, “I am hungry.” He states matter of factly before going to his food bag on his horse.

Hanji groans on the floor, murmuring, “meat, meat, meat.”

“Erwin, you just told Hanji-” Levi is interrupted by his stomach growling. Inwardly he curses to himself as he’s overwhelmed with hunger. First his mouth is dry and now he’s incredibly hungry? He’s annoyed, to say the least.

Erwin breaks off a piece of his bread, placing the other half back in his bag. He returns to the smokey fire and slowly consumes it. He looks like he’s never eaten a piece of bread before.

“I wonder if Eren will let us try his Titan meat.” Hanji thinks out loud.

Both Erwin and Levi are silent as they stare at Hanji with slightly opened mouths.

Back home, Eren sneezes.

Both men continue to stare at Hanji at the choice of wording, Hanji is blissfully unaware as they watch the stars above. The campfire continues to crackle, being the only source of noise.

Only when Levi and Erwin burst out laughing does Hanji catch on.

“Oh! Wait-Pfft-Hah! No!” Hanji covers their mouth with their hands as they begin to laugh, their cheeks flush at the realization of what they said.

Levi has fallen to his side as he allows himself to laugh. He clutches his stomach while his eyes begin to water.

Erwin’s laugh is so deep and loud, it nearly echoes through the forest, “I think-ahah.” Erwin tries to spit out his full thought but he fails from the invasion of laughter.

“Ekekeke! I didn’t-!” Hanji attempts to redeem themselves, but fails.

“I think-agh, I think that’s considered a crime, Hanji.” Erwin finally manages to get his full thought out before succumbing to the laughter once again.

Levi is literally crying and at this point he doesn’t care about holding it back.

Hanji is struggling as they continue to attempt to speak but can’t quite muster up the strength to push through the fit. They punch the hard ground underneath them repeatedly as they howl. It’s too much to handle and they can’t stop themselves.

“N-nevermind! We definitely-ngh! We definitely should not do that!” Hanji chuckles as tears roll down their cheeks.

Levi sits back on his knees, wiping the tears that continue to fall. He tries not to look at Erwin or Hanji out of fear that he will just start laughing again. He closes his eyes and takes a few deep breaths, trying to ignore the sound of his friends snickering on either side of him.

He slowly opens his very red and moist eyes, denying Erwin and Hanji any form of eye contact.

“If we did eat Titan meat though, would it even do anything? Because it disintegrates right?” Hanji perks up, getting close to a barely-keeping-it-together Levi, “what if we ate it and POOF! Our organs? Gone! They kill us from the inside! OR maybe we can live without organs! That would be so convenient! Imagine never having to eat, always having energy! Would we even have to poop? Probably not. What about our hearts though? We probably couldn’t survive but if we could just imagine!”

Levi looks up at the starry sky as he tries not to give Hanji the satisfaction of making him laugh over their stupidity. Levi can see Hanji’s eyes boring into him in his peripheral, causing him to bite his bottom lip to gain control.

“Th-that’s enough.” Levi says through gritted teeth as he blinks the tears away.

“I think these are all valid thoughts that you should indulge in with me.” Hanji leans close to Levi’s ear as he struggles to control himself. 

“If it came down to it, would you eat another human?” Erwin asks nonchalantly.

“Oh my god no, we are not doing this.” Levi argues, still staring at the sky above.

“Yes.” Hanji answers with no hesitation, “I mean, actually that depends, do I get to pick who I’m eating? And I’m assuming I’m a human and not a titan. I’m also assuming it’s because there’s nothing else to eat.”

“Hm, to make things more interesting, you can pick, yes you’re a human and yes it’s because Humanity has fallen to the point of cannibalism.” 

“Stop-”

“Oh then yeah for sure, my pick is Pastor Nick or any of his followers.” Hanji states proudly, “what about you?”

“Do not answer that.” Levi hisses at Erwin.

Erwin shrugs, “probably someone from Stohess District.”

Levi’s mouth drops, “Erwin-”

“Ooh! Eat the rich, I like it!” Hanji beams.

“Wouldn’t you?”

Levi finally looks at Erwin, his eyes wide with confusion.

“It’s a hypothetical question.” Hanji adds.

Levi glares at them, he notices how dry his mouth is again, “this is stupid.”

“Awh, c’mon, it’s just for funsies!”

“Knowing you, we are only a half step away from it being serious.” Levi retorks.

“Blegh! You’re not fun!” Hanji whines while poking at Levi’s cheek.

“Oh yeah, I’m no fun for not wanting to be a cannibal, what a nightmare.” Levi crawls away from Hanji’s reach, closer to Erwin’s side.

“Y’know Levi you’re kind of cute when you get flustered.” Hanji teases.

Erwin covers his mouth to hide his chuckle.

Levi looks up at Erwin, “and you, what’s so funny?”

“Probably the idea of you being cute.” Hanji answers.

Levi glares at Hanji, “fuck off.”

Hanji giggles, “I’m kidding!”

Erwin places his hand on top of Levi’s head, ruffling his hair, “I was just remembering when I first met you. You were like a feral cat with jagged claws.”

Levi thinks he moves out of Erwin’s reach but in reality it feels like he’s being held down by bricks. Erwin’s hand both feels light and heavy on his head. He likes it but he doesn’t know why.

“Tch.” Was all Levi could muster while crossing his arms. 

“I thought you were cute.” Erwin admits for the first time out loud.

“Uwah! D’aww, Erwin, I had no idea!” Hanji exclaims while hurriedly crawling towards Erwin’s free side, “so that’s why you were wondering if titans put stuff up their a-”

Erwin shoves Hanji by the shoulder, toppling them over so they fall on their back. Erwin was surprised by his own action, it all happened so fast and seemingly automatic.

“Oh sor-”

Hanji bounces back quickly and gets really close to Erwin their noses nearly touching, “so do you like it up your a-”

Erwin reacts fast again and shoves them to the ground. Levi watches silently while biting his bottom lip to hold his laugh back.

“I’m sorry I don’t know why I keep doing that. It feels like a reflex.” Erwin genuinely apologizes while he finally retracts his hand from Levi’s hair.

“Oi, oi. I think you should answer shitty glasses’ question.” Levi finally speaks, looking up at Erwin with a mischievous glint in his eyes. Levi watches Erwin’s Adam's apple bob as he swallows hard.

“What was the question again?” 

Hanji is back on all fours, even spunkier this time, “do you like to take or give?!”

Erwin’s forehead begins to sweat at both of his comrades staring at him instensley. Even Levi can’t hide the fact that he actually wants to know what Erwin’s answer is. He also doesn’t understand why he feels like he needs to know. What is one supposed to do with this information?

“I, um, well.” Erwin stutters, Hanji and Levi think this is their first time seeing him genuinely struggle with words.

“I think he’s a giver, what do you think?” Hanji turns their attention to Levi.

Levi ponders for a moment, meeting his eyes with Hanji’s, “I think you’re right, but since the image of him taking it feels wrong it’s almost more fun to think that way.” 

Hanji’s eyes shift as they try to form an image in their head as they settle next to Levi, “oooh! You’re right! That’s, whew, now that’s spicy.”

Erwin’s skin has turned a deep red along with his ears as Hanji and Levi discuss his sexual preferences like he’s not even there anymore.

“Have you seen his, yanno…” Hanji trails off while making a circular motion with both of their hands creating a peach shape.

“Well, yeah, same changing room.” Levi shamelessly answers.

“Is it as nice as I think it is?”

“Could bounce a brick on it.”

“Nice.”

Erwin is profusely sweating out of sheer embarrassment but he remains silent. Unsure of how to insert himself in this conversation about his own body.

“What about-”

Levi places his finger on Hanji’s lips to silence them. There’s silence but Hanji notices the subtle nod that Levi gives as he removes his finger. 

Hanji gives a look with their eyes raising their eyebrows, non verbally sending a message to Levi. He understands perfectly considering they’ve been able to communicate without saying anything for years now. He literally wiggles his eyebrows and they both bust out laughing.

Erwin has evolved into a statue.

“I mean, it’s not that surprising yanno?” Hanji says through giggling, “I mean there’s the height and the thighs that give it away.”

“The hands are the biggest giveaway.” Levi adds while holding up one of his hands, wiggling his fingers.

Hanji holds their hand up to Levis, “so what’s that say about you then?”

Levi scoffs as Hanji is able to slightly curl their fingers over Levi’s, “I’m proportionate.”

“I would have to disagree.” Erwin finally chimes in.

Levi notices the ends of his blonde hair are clumped together from the sweat that dripped from his hairline, “is that so?”

“Please, please, please, elaborate.” Hanji begs, they can’t help the giddiness that overwhelms their body.

“I think Levi’s hands are lying.” Erwin states while wiping his forehead with his coat. He’s desperately trying to bring himself back to Earth after ascending into the stratosphere. Usually, he doesn’t get so easily flustered but he’s not exactly himself right now. Even he’s surprised that he was embarrassed so quickly.

“As in they’re too small or too big?” Hanji asks while grabbing Levi’s hands.

Normally Levi would pull away but he’s paying too close of attention to Erwin right now to really care what Hanji does.

“Too small.”

Levi feels his cheeks rise in temperature as he stares at the blonde before him.

Hanji hoots as they lace their fingers with Levi’s, “I’m happy for you.”

Levi snaps his attention back to Hanji with a glare, he tries to pull his hand away but they have their long fingers locked.

Hanji suddenly throws their head back with a loud HAH, “I just pictured the most amazing thing ever!”

Erwin and Levi each raise an eyebrow at them.

“Listen listen.” Hanji tugs at Levi’s hand bringing him closer, Erwin leans down so their faces are inches apart, “Levi’s small hands, Erwin’s big-”

“Seek help please.” Levi interrupts, but unfortunately Hanji notices the blush that crawls across his cheeks.

“You’re picturing it! I can tell!” Hanji points out with a loud laugh.

Erwin looks at Levi with a smug look, “is that true?”

Levi tugs on Hanji’s grip, hoping to be released from this torture but fails, “no.”

“Liar!” Hanji cries, “you rarely blush and when you do it’s usually something deliciously sinful!”

Levi inwardly curses as Hanji reads him like an open book.

“Now, now Hanji. I think Levi is allowed to have some private thoughts.” Erwin states while releasing Hanji’s hand from Levi’s.

Hanji whines in protest while Levi sighs in relief.

Except Erwin doesn’t let go of Levi’s hand, except he stares into Levi’s silver eyes with a lifted eyebrow while placing his palm against Levi’s.

Levi’s breath catches in his throat as Erwin’s eyes shift from his to their hands.

Erwin lets out a “Hm”, as if he was confirming something before fully releasing the Ackerman’s hand.

Hanji fans themselves with their hand, “whew! Erwin you better stop before I have to leave you two alone.”

“Who says you have to leave?”

Levi’s mouth visibly drops and it would have hit the floor if it wasn’t attached to his head. Hanji mirrors the same expression but their mouth curves upward into a large smile. Erwin looks extremely pleased with himself as both of his comrades unravel in front of him. He’s also relieved to find his confidence has returned.

Hanji begins to laugh nervously, “I-whew, oh my god, Mister Commander Erwin Smith you’re not allowed to catch me off guard like that!”

“Oh I’m definitely allowed and if anything, both of your reactions motivate me to do it again.”

Levi falls onto his back while covering his face with his hands. It’s too much, Erwin is too much right now. The sexual tension? Too much. The dry mouth and eyes? Too much. The fuzzy feeling that caresses his entire body? Too. Much.

“Bwahaha! I think you broke him!” Hanji cackles. Levi can hear the nervousness in their tone but doesn’t have anything to fight back with.

Erwin reaches for Levi, to which Levi holds a hand out to stop him.

“Nope. Don’t you dare. I might die.”

Erwin lets out a confused laugh, “you’ll die? Die from what?” 

“If you touch me, I’m confident I’ll die.” Levi responds, offering no additional context.

Hanji snorts this time, “you did-you did break him! The indestructible Levi has been taken down!” 

“Levi, I’m sorry. Please don’t-”

“Sssshhhh.” Levi hushes Erwin, “Silence. Your mouth? Stop.”

Erwin looks genuinely worried now, “wait-”

“Silence Commander sexy pants!” Hanji orders with barely any fire behind it, “no more sorcery out of that mouth! No more I say! Back! Back! Back you double cheeked up God!” Hanji pushes Erwin to sit straight up again, he allows it with a lost puppy look in his eyes.

“Don’t worry I will save you from the sinister ass man.” Hanji attempts at a whisper as they crawl to Levi’s side.

Levi can’t stop himself from laughing at Hanji’s attempted rescue.

Erwin pinches the bridge of his nose, “what have I done?”

“Everything!” Hanji responds while pressing their ear to Levi’s chest to listen to his heartbeat, “ah yes, a case of I’m-horny-for-my-commander.”

Levi shoots up, pushing Hanji off of him, “your mouth as well, silence.”

“But-”

Levi clamps his hand over Hanji’s mouth, to which they lick it. He pulls his hand back with a crinkled nose. He wipes the spit on Erwin’s pants.

Levi lets out a deep breath, “we need to...do something else.” He says before attempting to come to his feet. He can’t get there alone so he has to use Erwin’s leg and shoulder for help. Levi tightly grasps the blonde’s shoulder as he finally gets himself steady, his legs feel like they’re made of molasses.

“Define ‘do something else’ oh flustered one.” Hanji states while poking at the fire to make sure the wood is placed correctly.

Levi attempts to wean himself off of Erwin but his legs are shaky and Erwin isn’t pushing him off so he decides to stay where he’s at, “hey wait-”

“Do you think bugs think we’re titans?” Erwin asks while holding his chin in between his thumb and index finger. 

Levi and Hanji watch him in silence, unsure of how to answer that. 

“I feel bad for them, they’re just like us.” There’s guilt in his tone and Levi can’t help but watch him in confusion. 

“I feel like a bug.” Erwin begins to laugh now, hiding his face in his hand, “am I a bug?”

“I think if you were a bug you would be a caterpillar.” Hanji states with full seriousness in their tone. Levi feels fuzzy and very lost. 

“I think you would be a beatle.” Erwin states, “you kind of look like one.”

“I’m going to take that as a compliment because beatles are tough little bastards and not ugly at all. Now.” Hanji laughs, pushing their glasses up before their eyes land on Levi, “now what kind of bug would you be…”

“A lady-bug.” Erwin responds quickly, almost in a whisper.

Levi scowls at him as Hanji falls into a pit of laughter, “if my legs didn’t feel like they were somehow disconnected from my body I would connect my foot to that stupidly sharp jawline of yours.”

Erwin laughs as he holds his hands up in surrender, “can I at least explain myself?”

Hanji can’t help the snorts that escape their nose as they laugh.

Levi grabs Erwin’s hood and pulls it over to cover the blonde's face, forcing him to hunch over a little, “no, I’m putting you in time out.”<,p>

“A lady-bug!” Hanji cries as they clutch their stomach. 

Erwin laughs and tries to push back but Levi holds him firmly in place, “look in my book Lady-bugs are cute, rare and tiny but resilient.”

”That doesn’t help your case.” Levi huffs as his ears feel warm. 

“I’m gonna make a cape that has a lady-bug print when we get back!” Hanji bellows as they continue laughing. 

“Look what you’ve done.” Levi lifts the hood off of Erwin who is biting his lip to hold back his giggles. 

“Levi, I-“

“That’s enough speaking for you.” Levi places his index finger on Erwin’s lips to quiet him. Levi wishes he could clone himself so he can kick Hanji’s ass while keeping Erwin quiet. 

Erwin feels a little brave and decides it’s the perfect time to drag his tongue up Levi’s finger, to which Levi yanks his hand away with a look of shock and disgust. Erwin can’t help but chuckle.

“What the fuck was that for?” Levi hisses as he wipes the saliva on Erwin’s shoulder.

Erwin shrugs, “it felt like the right thing to do.”

Levi shakes his head while scrunching his nose at a pleased Erwin.

“You taste good.” 

Levi barely hears Erwin say that and when they make eye contact, Erwin being the God that he is, gives Levi a wink. Levi feels like he’s going to explode from embarrassment and bloodlust, but before he could say anything Hanji suddenly halts their laughter like they’re holding in their breath.

“Oh my god!” Hanji exclaims, jumping to their feet with a stick in their hand. Erwin and Levi jump at the sudden outburst and the way Hanji is aggressively waving the stick, “the plant!”

Erwin and Levi exchange confused looks.

“It’s the plant!” Hanji says again while pacing back and forth, “the plant that’s been burning has been making us act weird!”

Erwin lifts an eyebrow, “what do you mean?”

Hanji looks like they’ve discovered a new country, “the plant, it’s burning and we inhaled the smoke! That’s why all three of us experience dry mouths and hunger! And we’re acting super weird, like really weird. Havent you noticed?” Hanji pumps their clenched fists into the air, “woohoo! I solved the mystery!”

Levi rolls his eyes, “seems far fetched.”

Erwin shrugs, “actually that seems right to me. We all came down with symptoms at the same time and only after you threw the plant into the fire.” Erwin gazes up at Levi, “also, don’t you feel kind of heavy as well? I feel like I’m drunk but it’s different.”

Levi ponders for a moment, watching a dancing Hanji and the dots start to connect. Levi sighs and shakes his head, “okay so what does that mean? We found a plant that makes you drunk if you put it in a fire and inhale the smoke. Whoopee.”

“Actually! I want to ask you a few questions, my vertically challenged friend.” Hanji exclaims while hoping to Levi.

Levi tries to ignore the rude comment.

“I know you have chronic pain, how does your body feel right now?”

Levi blinks a few times before really becoming aware of the fact that he can’t feel his body. Not completely that is. He’s aware of it, he feels it but it’s not 100%. It’s like there’s a smokescreen between his consciousness and his physical being. He becomes surprised to find that he doesn’t feel the usual pain he’s so used to having around. His back, his shoulders, his knees, they don’t ache at all. 

He finds Hanji’s eyes who are basically sparkling.

“Can’t feel anything, right? I know I can’t!” Hanji eagerly asks.

Levi looks at Erwin with wide-eyes then back at Hanji, “yeah I can’t feel anything, there’s no pain...”

Hanji jumps up and down, “do you understand now?! This could be medicine!”

Erwin quickly comes to his feet at Hanji’s discovery, “do you think there are other ways to consume it?”

Hanji twirls a few times before stopping, taking a moment to catch their breath, “I don’t know! All I care about is that there’s a component in this plant that is able to temporarily aid chronic pain! This could help so many people!”

“However.” Levi halts the celebration, the other two pay close attention, “it also makes you incredibly hungry. We can’t have people walking around wanting to eat everything in sight, we barely have enough supplies as it is.”

Hanji quickly snaps into a salute, a fist over their heart and eyes full of determination, “leave it to me!”

Levi and Erwin exchange glances again.

“Hanji-”

“Seriously! Leave it to me! If I can get enough samples I’m sure I’ll be able to seperate the medicinal portion of the plant out so we can consume it without the weird stuff.” Hanji clenches their fist tightly over their chest, “I give you my word and my heart, please leave it to me!”

“Well I can’t imagine anyone better suited, don’t you think?” Erwin smiles at Levi.

Levi rolls his eyes, “fine but I’m already telling you now that I will not be your guinea pig.”

“I’m going to pretend like I didn’t hear that!” Hanji beams, “so before we leave tomorrow we need to gather as much as we can. Oh my gosh, I can experiment with Eren’s titan form too! Could you imagine if it had some sort of effect on a titan? Hello! New weapon coming through!” Hanji began to skip around the fire as endless experiment possibilities flowed through their entire being.

Erwin returned to his seat on the giant log, Levi followed quietly as they watched Hanji wear themselves out.

“If anything else, it’s sort of a truth serum too.” Erwin states while keeping his eyes on the fire.

Levi takes a moment to remember some of the things that were said and tries to hold the blood rushing to his face back by sheer will, “I guess you could say that.”

Erwin slightly leans over so his mouth is near Levi’s ear, “in fact, I know that it is.”

Levi tries not to shiver as Erwin pulls away from his ear and he really tries to focus ahead as his body becomes warm. He tells himself it’s from the fire and not from the God like creature next to him.

Levi thinks that the discovery of this plant is either going to be a boost for humanity or it’s downfall. He tells himself that he doesn’t care either way, but there’s a part of him inside that really wants it to work. He just can’t decipher if it’s for the good of humanity or for the good of his own selfish desires. He finds these thoughts swirling through his clouded mind as his eyes become heavier with each blink.

The last thing he sees is Hanji sitting next to him and Erwin sliding off the log to sit on his other side before he drifts off into the deepest sleep he’s ever had. 

**Author's Note:**

> This took me so long to write because it just made me hella sad (╥﹏╥)  
> I'm not even really all that confident in this piece but I decided that I can't keep it in my WIPs forever.
> 
> So tell me what you think! As always comments are more than welcomed so I can continue to improve my writing, just be nice about it ☆⌒(> _ <)
> 
> Also, Happy Holidays to you all!  
> AND  
> Happy Birthday to my first love, Levi! (/▽＼*)｡o○♡
> 
> I have an Instagram and a Tiktok for like no reason but follow me if you want~  
> IG & Tiktok: moonlit.mantras  
> If anyone knows how to make anime edits HELP ME OUT HSHSHSSHSJ


End file.
